Title: Dead and Buried (1/1) Author: L. M. Shard E-mail address: lsshard@earthlink.net Rating: R Category: S, R Spoilers: Everything up to and including "TINH" Keywords: Mulder/Scully, Scully/Doggett, character death Feedback: I love it! Please let me know what you think. I answer all responses. Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, wish I did. Summary: A grieving Scully finds comfort. DEAD AND BURIED By L. M. Shard He was dead. Mulder was dead! Dana Scully just couldn't believe it. After all these intense months of searching for him, hoping, praying for his safe return, there he was, back on this earth, dead. She would never forget when Agent Doggett had run to her, telling her he had found Mulder. She had sprinted over to his still form and her heart raced with the thrill of finally seeing him again. Joy had spread throughout her body like a wild fire, but it was quickly extinguished as she realized that although Mulder's body was there, his spirit no longer dwelled within him. He was cold, lifeless: dead. She had run to Jeremiah Smith for help, but he was gone, taken by the aliens. There was nothing that could be done. She had screamed, a deep, soul-wrenching scream that originated from the pit of her being, from the depths of her anguish. She had screamed and screamed, flinging herself over Mulder's still body, tears spilling on his lifeless face. She remembered Doggett and Skinner holding her arms, fearing for her sanity, yet sharing in her pain. She had pushed them both away, ceasing her screams, and falling silent. She looked at Mulder's face, thinking how beautiful he still was, even with all the scars and marks his alien captors had left. She remembered tracing the details of his face with her finger, trying to memorize every curve and feature. She remembered kissing his cold lips, praying to breathe life into them. She remembered Doggett suddenly appearing at her side again and falling into his arm. Her tears flowed rivers and although she didn't quite remember all the events that took place thereafter, she did remember always being in John Doggett's arms. She remembered that when there were no more tears left to cry and her body was spent with emotional exhaustion, he was still there holding her, soothing her. He had said very little, but just his being there was somehow a thread to keeping her sanity. Now, as she sat in bed in her dark apartment she thought of her new partner. She had insisted he, Skinner and the others leave her alone and in peace. In peace! She had actually said that! Like she'd ever have peace again without Mulder! With lots of convincing they had finally left. And now she was all alone: alone in her misery, alone with her feelings, alone with her memories. As soon as they had left, she had cried again until she could no more. And now, sitting in her bed she was going crazy with grief. She didn't know what to do. Her mother was visiting her older brother on the West Coast and wouldn't be there until the following night. It was two in the morning, but she had to escape the pain. She pulled a coat over her pajamas and headed out the door to her car. She drove around aimlessly for over an hour, memories of Mulder flashing through her mind. She gently caressed her swollen belly, thinking of the day that she had found out that the invitro fertilization had worked afterall. She was so happy she was carrying Mulder's baby and Mulder had very much shared in her joy. Why she hadn't allowed herself to open her heart and conceive the baby the natural way? Why couldn't she have told Mulder how much she loved him? Now it was too late and her baby would have no father. She was going out of her mind with pain and, without even realizing it, she came to a stop. She looked out the window and saw she was at Doggett's apartment. By now it was past three in the morning. She hesitated to wake him, but she was desperate. Doggett heard a knock on his door. He got up from his bed right away, since he hadn't been able to sleep much. He had been thinking of the night's events and Scully. He had wondered if she was alright being alone in her grief. Several times that night he had picked up the phone to call her and check up on her. But she had made it clear that she wanted to be alone, so each time he hung up without dialing. He opened the door surprised to find Scully standing before him. She was disheveled and pale. Her eyes were swollen from her many tears and the look in her eyes was one of desperation and torment. "I'm sorry, Agent Doggett, I know it's late, I didn't know what to do. I..." she said in a whisper. "Shh," he said. "I'm glad you came." With that she fell into his arms and let the tears flow again. He held her tightly, stroking her hair with his hand. He tried to soothe her shaking form, his heart aching for her. He knew her pain and how complete it was. When her tears slowed down, he brought her over to the couch and they sat down. She helped herself to the tissues on the coffee table and dabbed her swollen, red eyes. "Do you think you can sleep?" Doggett asked with great concern. "It would do you some good." She shook her head. "No, I'm just such a mess. I feel like I'm going crazy. The pain is just so great. I don't know what to do." "I know the feeling," he said. She looked up at him and saw great pain in his eyes. "I lost my wife and child." "I'm so sorry," she said, understanding his pain. She had had no idea that his life had harbored such suffering. She covered his hand with hers. "My wife died in childbirth about eight years ago. She never got to know our beautiful baby boy, Kevin. Then, when he was five, he vanished. Kidnapped. Agent Reyes, a couple other agents, and I searched for him for years. We found nothing. About a year ago, they found his remains, buried in a shallow grave out in the woods." A tear trickled down Doggett's cheek. She gently wiped his tear with her fingers. "I'm so sorry," she said again. He did understand what she was going through. He had lost even more than she did. They held each other again for a long time, each in their own misery. "How did you ever survive? How did you get through each day?" She asked in despair. "I don't know. You just do it. One day at a time," he said, then continued, "My family helped and a couple close friends. If it weren't for them...I don't think I would have made it. But the pain, it's always there. You just learn to live with it." They held each other some more in silence. Then Scully said, "Thank you for being here for me. My mother won't be here until tomorrow night and I just didn't know where to go." "I'm glad you came to me. Please don't hesitate to ask me for anything. I will be there for you as long as you want. Now, let's see if you can get some sleep." "I don't know," she said, doubting that she could, although her mind screamed for some rest. "You take my bed. I washed the sheets yesterday. I'll take the couch," he offered. "No. I can't kick you out of your own bed," she said. "It's not a problem," he said. "Go on, get some sleep." She went to the bedroom without further protest. As she lay on the bed she could hear Doggett shuffling around making his makeshift bed. He was so kind to put up with her like this. He was so different from Mulder, yet... thoughts of Mulder flooded her mind again. He was dead! Tears filled her eyes and she cried into the pillow. Doggett lay on the couch having trouble falling asleep. His grief over his family had renewed itself through Scully's grief. He missed his wife and son so much. But after many years he finally had made a life without them. It was a life that consisted mainly of work - he put in as much time at the office as he could - but that was what it took to get him through each day. His thoughts turned to Scully. He was worried about her and wished he could do more for her. But he knew that except for just being there, there was not much he could do. Time was the slow, imperfect healer for wounds like this. Suddenly he heard Scully's cries of anguish. He listened for a while, his heart aching for her, then gave in to the strong urge to go to her. He lightly tapped on the bedroom door. It was partially open and he slowly walked into the room. The small lamp on the nightstand was still on, casting a warm glow over Scully's small curled up body. "Agent Scully," he whispered. She looked at him through tear-filled eyes. He knelt down beside her and stroked her arm. She was trembling with grief. "Please hold me," she said so quietly, he barely heard her. He laid on top of the covers with his arms around her in the spooning position. His closeness and warmth brought immediate comfort for her and she quieted down, her body ceasing its trembling. Finally she drifted off into sleep. He heard her breathing become even and slowly reached over to the lamp and turned it off. Then he gently extricated his arms from her and got off the bed. Hopefully she would sleep in peace for the remainder of the night. He was about to exit the room, when he heard her murmur, "Please don't go." Her request was whispered and meek. Totally unorthodox. But she was desperate and no longer cared. Her emotions were in a tumultuous mess and she needed to be grounded. She trusted him. "Alright. I'll stay with you," he whispered back and resumed his former position. It was like that, that sleep finally overcame them both. Morning came and Scully awoke with a start. She sat up in bed, not recognizing her surroundings, then saw John Doggett lying next to her. He was already awake, watching her. She was confused for a moment, and then her memory came flooding back, as did the pain. Suddenly she was embarrassed. She had slept in this man's bed and had asked him to hold and stay with her. She didn't want him to think she just went around sleeping with men all the time. "I'm sorry. I should go. I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I--," Scully rambled, her cheeks turning a bright crimson. Doggett interrupted," It's okay, Agent Scully. I would never take advantage of you or think less of you for needing comfort. I am here for you. Please don't feel embarrassed," he said in such a gentle, loving tone that her embarrassment quickly disappeared. "Thank you," she said. "Thank you for being here for me. I don't know what I would have done without you last night. I actually got a few hours of sleep." "I'm so glad. And, no need to thank me. I am happy that I could help," he said soothingly. Then he got out of bed and took out a pair of clean sweat pants and a T-shirt and handed them to Scully. "You can take a shower, if you'd like and wear these. There are fresh towels in the bathroom. I'll make us some breakfast." "Thank you," she said. He smiled. His heart went out to her and the long, difficult struggle ahead for her. But he vowed to be there for her in any way she needed him. He had to. He wanted to. He cared for her very much. She showered, letting the hot water wash away her fresh tears. Mulder was gone. He was really gone. She touched the swell of her belly and wondered how she was ever going to make it without him. She felt lost. Even though they had never really verbalized their love to each other, it was understood. She knew he would always be there for her and she for him. But now, he was gone. Gone. Just like that. Yet the world didn't end. Here she was showering, getting ready for another grief-filled day, soon to have breakfast, have a conversation, plan the funeral, so much to do.... Ahhh! Her mind screamed. The world didn't end, but her life did. The baby kicked inside her womb. Well, life as she knew it ended. For the sake of Mulder's baby, she had to continue. With that thought, she climbed out of the shower, dried off and put on the clothes Doggett had lent her, rolling up the pants legs that were way too big for her. She borrowed his comb and ran it though her hair. She looked horrible. Puffy, red eyes, no makeup, pale face, and stringy, wet hair. She didn't care. She sat down on the end of the bed, starring at the wall. All her tears were spent. She felt numb. A few minutes later, she heard a knock on the door. She kept starring at the wall. Slowly Doggett came into the room and knelt down besides her. He took her hand in his. "Dana..." At the sound of her given name she fell into his arms and held him tightly. "I don't know what to feel. I don't have any feelings left. They've been all used up. I am numb." The words just spilled out. They didn't make sense to her. "I don't know what to do." "I'll take care of everything." How desperately he wanted her pain to vanish. He would have gladly taken it upon himself had it been possible. "The funeral! I have to plan it. I want everyone there that cared about him." She paused, thinking. "But there were so few. His mother, father, sister-all dead. There's just Skinner, the Gunmen, and myself. The other agents just laughed at him. How could they! Didn't they see what a great man he was?!" She was suddenly frantic with despair. "Shh. Dana, those people don't matter. You matter. He was loved by you. That made him a very lucky man." "I never even told him that I loved him!" she said, her grief mounting. Doggett was surprised at this, but said, "I'm sure he must have known. There are many ways to show your love." "I guess. But I should have said it. I should have told him, 'I love you', and now it's too late." "He knows." Doggett held her. Several moments passed in silence. "Let's have some breakfast." He took her hand and led her to the kitchen table. He poured her a steaming cup of decaf coffee and placed a plate with an omelet and toast in front of her. She wasn't hungry. Noticing that she wasn't touching her food, Doggett said gently, "Dana, you need to eat. You need strength for yourself and for the baby." She placed one hand on her stomach and took the piece of toast with the other. She ate, but tasted nothing. "If you'd like, I can help you make the funeral arrangements," Doggett offered. She sighed. "That would be great. I just don't think I'm up for the job by myself." She spent most of the day at Doggett's apartment okaying the funeral options Doggett researched. She had to be a part of the planning. It was important. With Doggett doing most of the work, it was manageable for her. By the time noon rolled around, the arrangements were complete. Doggett made them lunch. This time she found herself to have an appetite. "I've got to get home now," Scully said after finishing her meal. "My mom will be here in a few hours and later I have to stop by and get Mulder's autopsy report." "Should I drive you?" He asked with concern. "No, I'm okay to drive," she said. They both headed to the front door. "Thank you so much for everything, John." A first name basis felt more natural, considering what they had been through the past twenty-four hours. "I am so grateful for all your help and support. I really don't know what I would have done without you." She felt so lucky to have this wonderful man in her life. She felt much closer to him after last night and respected him greatly. "Thanks are not needed. I know your mom will be here soon, but if you need me, please just call or come over. It doesn't matter what time it is." Doggett said with sincerity. He was worried about the effect the autopsy report would have on her. "Thank you. I might take you up on that." They hugged tightly, neither wanting to let go. Suddenly Doggett felt a kick. "Was that the baby?" He asked surprised. "Yes," she smiled. "Here, feel," she said, taking his hand and placing it on her stomach. The baby kicked again. "Wow! That's amazing." He felt so honored to be feeling her stomach like this. It was so intimate. They both smiled. True smiles, the first ones since discovering Mulder's body. He took his hand away and Scully missed the warmth it brought her. "I'll see you later," she said and left. Margaret Scully was a great comfort to her daughter. She too, had gone through incredible pain in her life with the loss of her husband and younger daughter. She stayed with her bereaved daughter, soothing her the best she could. But when it came time to pick up Mulder's autopsy report, Scully insisted she go herself and sent her mother home. She went over the report in detail with the doctor who had preformed the autopsy. It was gruesome. The pain Mulder must have endured was mind-boggling. She used all her strength to keep her tears in check, but when she left the room and reached her car, they came streaming down in a torrent. After several minutes, she collected herself enough to drive and headed to Doggett's place. She couldn't bear going home to an empty apartment with memories of Mulder everywhere. Scully knocked on Doggett's door and the moment he opened it, she fell into his arms. He held her closely. "It was bad, John. It was bad. The torture they put him through! He suffered so much!" She exclaimed, handing the report to Doggett. He took it from her shaking hand and read over it. It was horrifying. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He didn't know what to say so he just held her. The rest of the night was spent in his arms again. He insisted she sleep at his place and she reluctantly, yet gratefully, accepted. She was angry with herself for needing his comfort, for not being able to be alone. She was a strong woman, but her strength had abandoned her these past few days. Perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones that compounded the grief and stripped her of her strength. Whatever it was, she vowed that she would be that strong woman once again. Just not now. Now she simply wanted to be like the baby she was carrying: curled up in warmth and comfort, safe from the outside world. John Doggett provided this, and she was not going to turn him down. The next day Doggett drove her to the funeral home where Mulder's body had been prepared and laid out for viewing. About a dozen people had already arrived by the time Scully and Doggett made their entrance. Skinner and the three Gunmen were among them. All went over to Scully and gave their condolences. Each was, of course, grieving themselves, but they knew the special bond and love that Mulder and Scully had shared. They each hugged her tightly trying to impart that understanding. When Scully made her way to the casket, the others backed off, giving her some privacy. Doggett watched from afar as well; his concern for her was obvious. Skinner studied him. He was glad that Doggett was there for her. He could tell that they had gotten closer these past few days. If it couldn't be him, Skinner was glad it was Doggett. He was a good man. When she first saw Mulder's face, she was surprised how natural it looked. The scars and bruises were covered and he looked at peace. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was just lying there asleep. She gently touched his cheek. It was cold, hard, and leathery. He was gone. Tears welled in her eyes as she moved her face close to his. She spoke in whispers. "My sweet Mulder. I am so sorry for what you went through. I can't imagine the incredible pain you endured." She broke off, unable to speak, thinking of all the terrors that had befallen him. After a few moments she continued. "I have something wonderful to tell you. The invitro worked afterall. I am carrying your baby." She smiled through her tears and laid her hand on her swollen belly. "You will live through this child and I will love him or her more than life itself. Just like I loved you, Mulder. I loved you, you know. I never told you, but I loved you with all my heart. I am so sorry I never said it. I hope you knew." With that she leaned toward him and kissed his full lips. A final touch, a final goodbye. She walked away, leaving hot tears on his cold face. In silence she walked out the door. Doggett followed her out and opened his car door for her. She sat down. He walked around the car and got in himself. Silence surrounded them. He took her hand, cradling it in his. After several minutes she spoke, "Could you please take me home. I need to be alone." "Of course," he replied and started the engine. They drove in utter stillness. Upon arriving, Doggett stopped the engine and turned to Scully. "If you need anything, anything at all, just call." "Thank you. You have been such a good friend to me. But right now I just need to be alone. I'll be okay." With that she stepped out of the car. "I'll see you tomorrow at the funeral." Then she disappeared into the building. Doggett drove off, hoping she'd be all right. He hated to leave her, but wanted to give her the space she needed. It was a long night for both Doggett and Scully. Doggett lay wide-awake in bed, restless. He missed having Scully in his arms lying next to him. He loved listening to her breathing and burying his face into her silky hair while she slept. Two nights and he was already addicted to having her in his bed with him. Of course, he hadn't touched her inappropriately. Not once. Though he thought about it and had to muster all his inner strength not to allow his body to respond to those thoughts while she was in his arms. He was falling for her all right. Big time. Scully couldn't sleep. Thoughts of Mulder kept her awake and her pain near the surface. Seeing him today in the coffin made his death all the more real. Tomorrow he would go into the earth and she would never be able to gaze upon his handsome face again. She would never see those warm hazel eyes, or touch his face, or hold his hand. These losses were so great. He would be dead and buried. It was over. She was tempted to call Doggett and go to him for relief; relief of these anguished feelings, relief of her exhaustion, relief of her mental torture. But she had to prove to herself that she could make it through a night alone. Scully heard the doorbell at 8:00 am sharp. She hadn't slept a wink and now she must face the day. And what a day it was going to be. She padded to the door and found her mother on the other side. "Oh, Dana, you look awful." Her mother said with deep empathy. "You didn't sleep, did you?" "No. I couldn't," she replied and gave her mom a long hug. "Well, I'll make sure you get some sleep after the funeral. But now go take a nice hot shower and I'll make you a hearty breakfast." "Okay, mom. Thanks," she said in monotone. Two hours later the Scully women arrived at the cemetery. Many people had already gathered around the coffin. Scully was surprised at the large turnout. She recognized several fellow FBI agents. She was glad that they had come. She and Mrs. Scully took their places at the front, nearest the coffin. Doggett was sitting to her left and took her hand the moment she sat down. He held it throughout the ceremony. He had no idea what great comfort that small gesture gave her. Afterwards, he stood by her as the people came up to her one by one to give their condolences. It was obvious that Skinner had been crying. He told her that he would be there for her, always, should she ever need him. Byers took her hand, squeezed it tightly, and nodded. He could form no words. Frohike gave her a big hug and told her to call him. He'd be there for her. Langly actually wore a suit. He could only croak out an "I'm so sorry." After everyone but Doggett and Mrs. Scully had gone, Scully went to Mulder's coffin one last time. She touched it and said a silent prayer. "I will always love you, Mulder," she whispered then walked to her mom and Doggett. Each hooked their arms with hers and they walked back to the car in silence. The weeks passed and with each new day, Scully and Doggett's friendship grew stronger. Most of those nights were spent in Doggett's bed. It was unconventional, certainly nothing she told others about, but it became a necessity for her sanity. He could calm and soothe her when her mind was crazy with grief. His presence allowed her brain to relax enough to fall sleep. Sleep and calm she so need for the health of her unborn child. She allowed him to touch her belly and feel the baby throughout the night. Having his hand there was so comforting, so safe. He never made an inappropriate move. He respected her and she him. But as the weeks wore on, she started to hope that he would make a move. She would find herself daydreaming of what it would be like to feel his lips on hers, to feel his hands roam her entire body. Then she would be struck with deep guilt. How could she have loved Mulder and be carrying his child yet have such thoughts about another man? Doggett, too, had more than friendship on his mind when it came to Scully. His feelings for her were strong and he wanted very much to act on them, but he wasn't sure if she was ready. The last thing he wanted to do was make her uncomfortable around him. But he could tell that with the passing time, she was regaining her old strength. At work and to the outside world she was as strong and confident as ever. But with him, she allowed herself to let her guard down and just be. Perhaps it was because he had been through a similar situation or perhaps it was just their mutual trust and respect. Whatever it was, he was glad that she could come to him freely. Doggett and Mulder were similar in many ways: both were trustworthy, loyal, caring, and intelligent. But there were marked differences as well. Doggett had a strong sense of self and was not one to let life pass him by. He certainly would not make the mistake Mulder had made and not tell Scully his feelings for her. She deserved love and commitment and, if she would have him, that was just what he was going to give her. Another week passed and Doggett arranged a little surprise for Scully. "Are you free tomorrow?" He asked her one Friday night as they lay down to sleep. "Yes," she said, wondering what he was thinking. "Why do you ask?" "I'd like to spend the day with you tomorrow. Just the two of us. It's time we got out a little. We have seen nothing but these four walls and the office for the past month. I have some surprises planned," he said with a big smile on his face. She was intrigued. "Sounds good. I'm game," she replied happily. They both drifted off into a peaceful slumber. The following morning Doggett was up very early. He had run to the market, packed a picnic lunch for later and had breakfast ready by the time Scully had awoken and finished her shower. Scully was surprised that breakfast was already on the table when she walked out of the bedroom. "John, you're up early," she greeted him. "It smells great!" "Enjoy. I'm hoping this whole day will be fun for you," he said with a smile. "So what are we doing? Where are we going?" She asked curiously. "All surprises. You just sit back and enjoy the ride," he said with a wink. She flashed him a huge smile. It was so good to see her smile again. After breakfast they piled into Doggett's car and drove into the country. The scenery was magnificent, so beautiful and serene. Scully hadn't been out in the country for a long time and she soaked in the gorgeous views. About an hour into the drive, Doggett pulled off the main road and onto a narrow unpaved path. After about ten minutes he stopped the car. "Here we are," he said happily. They were standing in the middle of a lush green meadow. Yellow and white flowers bloomed in loose clusters all around. An occasional tree scattered the landscape. Great, billowing clouds hung in a Mediterranean-blue sky. It was truly a breathtaking view. Standing there in the midst of God's glory, it was hard to have an anguished heart. It was as if any earthly burdens were magically swept away. "John, this is so beautiful!" She exclaimed in awe. "Thank you for bringing me here. This is just what I needed." Her eyes shone with life. "I'm glad you like it," he said smiling at her. Then he opened the trunk, took out a blanket and a large picnic basket. He walked to the nearest tree and laid out the blanket beneath it, then proceeded to take out the goodies from the basket. "I hope you're hungry." "Like you even have to ask," she said, patting her swollen belly. The pregnancy had made her hungry almost around the clock. They feasted on ham and cheese croissants, a balsamic vinaigrette salad, chocolate dipped strawberries, and sparkling cider. Their conversation was spirited, free and full of laughter. For the first time since Mulder's death Scully felt an intense happiness. She gazed at the handsome man before her. He was so good to her, so caring, so loving. She realized that she would never want to know what life would be like without him. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was falling in love with him. He caught her gazing at him. "What?" He asked with a smile. She returned his smile and shook her head. "Nothing. I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life. Thank you for everything." He scooted closer to her and cupped her face with his hand. "I am the lucky one. And I should be the one to thank you for letting me into your life, for letting me laugh with you, for letting me cry with you, for letting me feel the life you carry inside you. It is so special to me. You are so special to me." With that he leaned toward her and brushed his lips on hers. Slowly, tentatively their mouths moved on each other savoring the intimate contact. Their kiss grew deeper and they opened themselves up to each other, tasting longing and hunger. Their tongues entwined in a harmonious dance of passion, leaving them both breathless and wanting. Doggett lowered her down on the blanket, looking straight into her blue eyes. They were intense and ablaze with desire, mirroring his own. "I love you, Dana," he said in a low, raw voice. "I love you too," she said with great emotion as she pulled him down into an unhindered, feverish kiss. Their mouths locked in unbridled need, trying to satiate a thirst that could not be quenched. Scully clutched his hair, bringing him as close to her as physically possible. She wanted this man. She loved this man. Suddenly the skies opened and let down a spattering of rain. The couple ceased their kisses and looked at each other in disbelief. "Rain?" Doggett said incredulously. "What lousy timing!" They laughed together. Then quickly packed up their belonging and ran to the shelter of the car. The moment they were safely inside the rain really started to pour. Still laughing as they sat facing each other in the front seat, Doggett wiped the raindrops from Scully's face with his fingers. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips were still swollen with desire. She had an untamed gleam in her eyes. "You are so beautiful," he said in a deep voice. Here she was disheveled with rain dripping off her hair and he thought she was beautiful. Her heart filled with joy and love. She smiled then took his hand from her face and kissed his palm. He returned her smile then said, "Let's get out of here." She snuggled up besides him and they drove the hour back to town in magical silence. They stopped at a small, intimate restaurant for dinner. Seated at a table next to a roaring fire in a brick fireplace the two warmed their bodies. They ordered then Doggett reached across the table and took Scully's hand into his own. They gazed into each other's eyes, speaking volumes without words. Doggett was so happy. Scully returned his love! The kiss they had shared was so profound he knew she shared the same intensity of love that he had for her. He almost couldn't believe it. He wanted to dance and sing, shout from the rooftops, he was so happy. He hadn't felt this way since the loss of his family and he never thought he would have had the privilege to feel this way again. Scully, too, was deliriously happy. She felt like she was walking on air. She even had butterflies of excitement and anticipation in her stomach, like some love-struck teenager. Although guilt reared its ugly head, she knew that Mulder would want her to be happy. She had to think of the future. She couldn't let depression, grief and overall melancholy take over her life and stifle blooming love. She had to think of her baby and give it the best life possible. It saddened her greatly to think that her baby would never know its father and what a wonderful man he was. She vowed to one day tell her child about Mulder and how much Mulder would have loved him or her. But now she would be a single mother. She hoped that Doggett would be a part of her baby's life. Perhaps he would be a permanent part. As if reading her mind, Doggett asked, "What plans have you made so far for the baby?" She sighed, thinking. "Well, not too much actually. I haven't even started setting up a nursery." Suddenly she felt overwhelmed with the amount of preparation she had to complete in the next few months. "How about we go shopping for baby stuff tomorrow," he offered. "You, shopping?" She laughed. "Hey!" He said with a smile. "You know, I do have some experience in that area." She smiled back. "You would be the perfect shopping partner. I'm sure you know a lot more about cribs and diapers and all the millions of other things babies need than I do." "Great. It's settled then. We'll go tomorrow. And if we're lucky we'll even have the whole nursery set up before dinner." "Now that would take a huge burden off my shoulders if we got all that accomplished!" She said. "Thank you, John." "What about names. Have you thought of any?" He asked. "Well, since I don't know the baby's gender, I have been looking through a lot of baby name books for both boy and girl names. The first name I'm having a hard time with. I'm thinking of maybe Julia, Lauren, or Natalie for a girl and maybe Brian, Austin, or Brandon for a boy. But the middle name is easy. I want to honor the baby's father. If I have a girl, it will be Samantha after Mulder's sister. If I have a boy, it will be William, Mulder's own middle name. I'd use his first name, but he hated it so much, it just wouldn't be right. So how does Julia Samantha Scully or Brian William Scully sound to you?" She asked. "They all sound great," he said, but hoped that perhaps one day Doggett would be on the end of those names. "Whatever you choose will be wonderful." They finished their meal with more light-hearted conversation and lots of laughter. Doggett drove them to Scully's apartment and walked her up. He unlocked her door for her and they walked in. "I had a wonderful day with you, John. Everything was perfect." She gave him a glowing smile. She was so gorgeous when she smiled. "I had a great time too," he said, leaning down and capturing her mouth with his. The moment their lips met, the passion that had been building up since their last kiss was unleashed full force. They clung to each other in heated desire. After several intense moments, Doggett pulled himself away from her slightly. Catching his breath, he said in a low, rough voice, "I better go." "Yeah," Scully reluctantly agreed. They both knew that if they shared a bed that night, the temptation would be too great. And Doggett wanted to make sure that she was ready, that she just wasn't giving in to the moment. It had to be right; he wanted their relationship to last a lifetime. They fell into another kiss, but this one was tender and slow, filled with profound love. "I love you so much," Doggett breathed. She melted in his arms. "And I love you, John," she whispered, her voice laced with deep emotion. They pulled apart and he left, leaving her with a racing heart and weak knees. She had to fight the urge to call him back. Her need for him was so great. But she knew, that at least for one night, she had to prove to herself that she could be all alone and sleep in peace. She wanted to know for certain that her love was for him and not because of some dependence on her part. By morning she had her undeniable answer. She loved John Doggett with all her heart and soul. She loved him for who he was, for how he treated her, for how he made her feel. He was a man of strength and courage, one who showed his love and desire for her in no uncertain terms. She had missed him throughout the night, but whenever she'd awaken she'd just think of him and his love and fall back into slumber. It was like he was there, with his arms around her, protecting her from the demons of grief and despair. She was lying in bed with a big smile on her face, thinking of him when the phone rang, interrupting her reverie. "Good morning, Dana," Doggett said cheerily. "How'd you sleep?" Her face brightened at the sound of his voice. "Pretty well, actually. I woke up a couple times during the night, but I just thought about you and everything was okay. Just knowing that you love me, got me through it. I missed you though. So much!" "I missed you too. It was really hard for me to get any sleep without you." "John, hurry up and get over here. I can't wait to see you," she said with a sudden urgency. She couldn't wait to be in his arms again and feel his mouth on hers. "I'll be there in 15 minutes," he said. "Wait!" She said hoping he hadn't hung up yet. "I love you." John Doggett smiled. "I love you too." He hung up, grabbed his keys and almost ran to his car. He couldn't wait to see her either. He was so in love. And after talking to her this morning, he knew that she truly loved him too. Their day together flew by. They shopped hand in hand, sneaking in little kisses here and there, and talking to various sales people about cribs, changing tables, carseats and their various safety aspects. They were so obviously in love that a couple of the sales people actually referred to him as the father of the baby. When Doggett tried to correct them, Scully squeezed his hand and shushed him, letting the people think it was true. He was very moved by this gesture. He could easily picture them a real family and it was apparent that Scully could as well. They bought everything they needed for the nursery and by late that evening, it all stood, completely assembled, in the baby's room. The two of them stood with their arms around each other admiring their hard work. "It looks great," Doggett said proudly. "And I owe it all to you," Scully said gratefully. "Thanks so much." She stood on her tiptoes and gave him a quick kiss. He grabbed her and deepened it. Suddenly the baby kicked. "I think baby approves," Scully said with a smile, patting her tummy. "Of the room or of us?" he asked mischievously. "Both. Definitely of both," she said and pulled him into another kiss. He responded with unhindered passion. As their kiss grew, so did their desire. His hands roamed her body, feeling the curve of her belly, the length of her thigh, the swell of her breasts. Her heart pounded in wild desire and her soul opened up to him in abandon. He pressed her closer and she could feel him hard against her thigh. She moved herself against him and he moaned. She ran her hands down his long, firm body, letting one linger on his groin. She stroked him through his jeans and felt him tighten even more. "Dana," he said in a hoarse whisper, "You've got to stop." If she touched him anymore like that, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to control himself. "Make love to me, John," she breathed into his ear with urgency. She wanted him more than she'd ever wanted anyone. "You're sure?" He asked, his voice quivering from the fiery need that racked his body. "Completely," she said without hesitation and led him to her bedroom. Their lovemaking was unparalleled. It was fierce, needy, and infused with feverish desire. They explored every inch of each other, leaving nothing untouched. The rest of the night was spent making love, sleeping a bit here and there. As the sun's first rays marked a new day, Scully and Doggett woke up together for the first time as lovers. Scully smiled as Doggett traced a lazy finger over her swelled belly and swollen breasts. "You are so beautiful," he said, admiring her voluptuous form. "John, you don't have to say that. I know I'm huge right now. No waist and overly-large boobs is not what I'd call beautiful," she said suddenly shy. She pulled the sheet up and covered herself. "No, not beautiful, " he said. "Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. That's what you are to me." He pulled the sheet down and laid his hand on her expanding stomach then continued, "I don't have to tell you what a miracle this baby is. That there is a life growing inside you, a little person that is half you, that is amazing and beautiful to me. A tear trickled down Scully's cheek; she was deeply touched. "You are beautiful, John. I love you with all my heart." "I love you, Dana. I always will." He sealed his words with a tender, sensual kiss. The months passed and Scully and Doggett grew closer each day. It was a rare occasion that they did not see each other for a day, let alone a night. Others noted how inseparable they were as well and the office was filled with gossip about who the father of Scully's baby was. Was it Mulder or was it Doggett? The people debated this topic on a daily basis and gave Scully demeaning stares. Scully didn't let it bother her. She was too happy in her life to let any scuttlebutt get in the way. But being the traditional and honorable man that he was, it disturbed Doggett deeply. He did not want the woman he loved looked down upon. She deserved respect. Scully was nearing her due date and had just started her maternity leave. She was enjoying her last few lazy days before her world would change forever. It was on one of these days that Doggett took Scully on a drive. "Why won't you tell me where we are headed," Scully asked as she and Doggett drove out of the city. "Because then it wouldn't be a surprise," he said with grin. After a while, Scully had a pretty good idea where they were going. She smiled and asked, "Are we going to our special place in the meadow?" "Yes," he responded. Upon arrival they laid out a blanket under the same tree as before and ate a picnic lunch. After finishing their meal, Doggett sat directly in front of Scully and said, "I thought it was appropriate to bring you back to this special place where we first kissed. That day was one of the best in my life, because I professed my love for you and you returned it. Being with you, being a part of your life has made me happier than I ever thought I could be. There are no words to describe the depth of my love for you. I love you more than anything. I love this baby you are carrying and want to be a father to him or her." He paused, collecting his emotions, then continued, "Dana, will you do me the honor and be my wife?" By now, tears had formed in Scully's eyes and she answered without hesitation, "Yes, John, I will be your wife. I will marry you." That's all he wanted to hear. He wrapped his arms around her and brought her lips to his in a heart-rending kiss. Then he presented her with the most exquisite diamond solitaire ring she had ever seen. She was speechless. It was at least two carats large, shaped in a brilliant round, and set in platinum. "It's beautiful," she whispered when she finally caught her breath. He slipped it on her finger and it fit perfectly. "How did you know what size I'd be? None of my other rings even fit me now, I'm so bloated." "I have my ways," he said mysteriously. "And after the baby is born, we can have it sized down. I wanted you to be able to wear it now as well as a symbol of my unconditional love and commitment." She was in tears. How could she be so lucky to have this most wonderful, honorable, and incredibly handsome man love her so much? Amazing how her life had changed in a relatively short time, from thinking it was over with the death of Mulder, to having it begin again with Doggett. "I love it! I love you! I can't wait to be your wife and be a family. I know you will be a terrific dad. And I thank you for accepting this 'package deal'". "I wouldn't want it any other way. You and the baby are all I need. We are going to have a great life," he said beaming with joy. "Now, the only question left is, when do you want to get married? I am leaving that up to you." Scully didn't have to think hard on that one. "How short of an engagement can we have?" He smiled and gathered her into his arms. "I'll be ready tomorrow, if you want." "Then tomorrow it is! I just hope Junior here will wait to be born until after our wedding night. I'd hate to have to postpone it until after my six-week postpartum exam," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Well, let's get in all the practice we can now. And there's no time like the present," he said, drawing her into a burning kiss. They made love in the meadow, under the tree, in their special place, and all was at peace in their world. The next day they married at Scully's church. Fr. McCue was very accommodating given the incredibly short notice. The ceremony was simple and the only guests were Mrs. Scully, Skinner, the Gunmen and Doggett's parents and brother. But it was perfect and the couple was so happy and so in love. They had said their vows just in time because the following afternoon Scully delivered a healthy baby girl. They named her Julia Samantha Doggett. Now they were a little family and nothing could make them happier. THE END