by Rihannsu Rating - PG-13 for language and a bit of violence. Spoliers - none, but assumes that Scully is no longer pregnant Summary - Stupid!Mulder, KickAss!Scully, Manly!Doggett - not necessarily in that order. “Just bring them with you,” Scully said into her cell phone. “Bring who?” Mulder asked, but she waved a hand at him to shut up. “What about the Gunman? . . . Oh, poor Langley, then that won‘t work. Skinner? . . . Skinner has a what? . . . Good God. . . Okay, what about Monica? . . . Oh, she would,” Scully said in a disgusted tone. “What about your brother? . . . What the hell is he doing in Indonesia? Wait, never mind. I don’t think I want to know.” She paused again and Mulder gestured impatiently at his watch. “Just bring them. No, I don’t mind at all. Okay, we’ll be over in an hour.” Scully pulled the Taurus into Doggett’s driveway and leaned on the horn. “Get in the back seat,” she said to Mulder. “I dunno, Scully. I don’t think we have time for a quickie. Maybe you should have though of that before you started honking.” She glowered and raised an eyebrow at him. He got in the back grumbling. “Why do I have to sit in the back?” “Because you can’t read a map worth a damn, and you won’t leave the radio alone for more than 30 seconds at a time.” “You’ve never complained before,” Mulder protested. “I never had a choice before,” Scully said tartly. While they were arguing, Doggett had come out of the house and made his way to the car. To Mulder’s surprise, he opened the back passenger’s side door. “Hey, Doggett, I thought we agreed to just be friends . . .” he got out before a massive black and tan dog jumped into the car and sat beside him. Another, smaller dog followed the first. Doggett shut the door and climbed into the front with Scully. “Scully!” Mulder whined. But his partner was already fussing over the dogs. She was scratching the big one behind his ears and petting the bigger one’s head. “Morgan is getting big, isn’t he? Aw, Lance, you get cuter every time I see you. You’re such good dogs. Good, boys,” she said and finally turned away to start driving again. The bigger one put a massive paw on Mulder’s chest and stuck its long powerful muzzle right into his face. “Doggett, get this stupid dog off me,” Mulder said voice wavering. He hesitantly reached up to grab the dog’s collar, but stopped when the dog growled and displayed two rows of large sharp teeth. “Don’t do that. He’ll bite you,” Doggett said matter-of- factly. “Lance, lay down.” The dog got off Mulder and lay down on the seat. “Why are there two German Shepherds in this car?” Mulder asked sharply. “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to work on a weekend,” Doggett snapped. “Finding a dog sitter isn’t exactly easy.” “And you know how I feel about kennels,” Scully added getting onto I-95 South. “So, I’m supposed to ride to North Carolina with two dogs that are the size of Shetland ponies sitting on my lap?” Mulder asked plantitively. “You’re the one that said it couldn’t wait until Monday,” Scully said unsympathetically. “Yeah, but . . .” “What the hell are we going to Manteo, North Carolina for anyway?” Doggett said. “The Lost Colony has been lost for 414 years.” Mulder studied the passing trees. “We’re not . . .” Doggett said menacingly at the same time Scully said, “Mulder!” in an outraged tone. Mulder grinned. “No, but I had you big time, didn’t I?” His two companions were not amused. “Actually, local fishermen working the Pimlico and Albemarle Sounds have reported seeing a large sea creature that they described as looking like a ‘small dinosaur.’” Scully groaned and Doggett’s eyes narrowed. “Mulder we did this case four years ago. Big Blue, ring any bells?” “Scully, Scully, Scully. Of course I remember. And I remember at the time you said it was possible a genetic throwback could exist in isolated waters. And you have to admit there was something big in that lake.” “Oh for god’s sake,” Doggett said and looked like he was contemplating stepping out of the moving vehicle. “We’re chasing the Loch Ness Monster now? For this I’m givin’ up my weekend?” He growled. “Mulder, you know what happened the last time we went chasing sea monsters,” Scully said warningly. “Queequeg bought the farm,” Mulder said. “I still feel bad about that, by the way.” “Who or what was Queequeg?” Doggett asked ominously. “My dog,” Scully answered. “He was a Pomeranian I inherited on a case. Something . . .” “Big Blue,” Mulder interrupted. Scully glared at him in the review mirror. “Something ate him.” “Something ate your dog,” Doggett said incredulously. He stared at the road way for a few minutes before turning back to peg Mulder with his icy blue gaze. “If anything happens to one of my dogs, I’ll find a sea monster and feed you to it,” he snarled. The two dogs raised their heads at his tone and looked at Mulder accusingly. “Why are they looking at me like that?” He asked nervously as both dogs bared their teeth. “I don’t think they like you,” Scully observed. Three hours later Interstate - 64: Underneath the Chesapeake “Scully please tell me that you climbed into the back seat when we entered the tunnel,” Mulder said plaititively into the dark car lit only by the pale orange lights of the Chesapeake Bay tunnel. “I didn’t.” “Doggett, please tell me you didn’t climb back here.” “I didn’t.” “That what the hell is in my lap and why is there a wet spot?” They emerged into the bright afternoon sunlight. Mulder blinked furiously trying to get his eyes to re-adjust. He looked down to find the smaller dog had sprawled in his lap to sleep and was drooling all over him. He looked up to see two pairs of blue eyes, Scully’s in the review mirror and Doggett’s looking over the seat, regarding him with barely repressed amusement. “Well, maybe Morgan likes you, but I still don’t think Lance has warmed up to you,” Scully observed. Doggett snickered. Lance glowered at him from the other side of the car. Two hours later Somewhere on route US-158, North Carolina “Where the hell are we?” Mulder asked. “I swear this is the same stretch of road we’ve been on since Virginia Beach . . . oh god damnit! “What?” Scully said. Mulder held up a videotape. Teeth and claw marks scored every available surface and the tape was starting to spill out through a particularly large crack. “I hope they didn’t swallow any pieces of plastic,” Scully said worriedly. Doggett glared at him and reached for the tape. He inspected it carefully. “It doesn’t look like they managed to break anything off.” “Why did you have that with you anyway?” Scully asked. “What is it a tape of?” “Oh, um, . . . it’s just some, you know, work I brought with me,” Mulder assured her. Doggett held the tape up to the window to get a better view of the drool saturated label. “Sorority Sex Kittens Parts 1,2 and 3,” he read. “Nice work if you can get it.” Scully rolled her eyes at both of them. Five hours later Fort Raleigh National Park, Manteo, North Carolina “Mulder, we’ve been over the woods and the beach for three hours. We’ve talked to the park rangers. We‘ve talked to the fishermen. We‘ve talked to everyone that lives on the waterfront. We’ve got samples to take back to the lab. Now let’s find a god damn hotel, because it’s 90 degrees out here and if I don’t get a beer sometime in the next 20 minutes, I’m going to shoot someone!” Scully shouted and wiped a dirty hand across her sweaty face. Doggett nodded in grim agreement. He, too, hot, dirty and tired. The only ones unaffected by the heat and humidity were the two dogs who were happily chasing a ball around the small clearing. He and Scully began packing away the equipment the rangers had lent them while Mulder prowled restlessly around the woods. Just as Mulder was about to agree with them, he heard a strange sound from the surrounding forest. The dogs abandoned their ball and stood stock still for a few seconds before taking off in the direction of the noise. Mulder raced off after them. “Come on, that could be it!” Doggett followed yelling for the dogs to heel. “It’s probably a deer, you freak. And if you don‘t want to spend the evening helping me scrub fresh blood out of dog fur, you‘ll help me catch them before they catch it.” “Oh for god’s sake,” Scully sighed. “Why can’t I have partners more interested in beer than wild game?” She headed off after them at a brisk walk. After several minutes walking in the direction of the barking and yelling, she emerged from the trees to run straight into Doggett’s back. He was staring at the center of a small clearing. Mulder sat on the ground. Morgan had both feet planted on his chest and was licking his face energetically. Lance was trying to drag the carcass of a large unidentified reptile into his lap. Both the dogs and the agent were splattered with blood. “Scully? I think we found North Carolina’s answer to Big Blue,” Mulder said pitifully. “They killed it. They just . . . killed it.” Doggett meanwhile had dropped to his knees and was carefully running his hands over each of his dogs looking for any injuries. “Are they okay?” Scully asked. “Looks like it, but I think we should get a vet to look at them just in case.” “Hey, guys. Remember me? Fox Mulder? Your partner? The guy who was just attacked by large reptile? I’m okay, really.” Doggett growled and launched himself at the other agent. He grabbed Mulder by the collar and pinned him to the ground. “If you ever get near my dogs again, I’m going to shoot you in the head. Got it?” “Got it.” Mulder squeaked. “Scully? Scully? Please get him off me. I can’t breathe.” Scully rolled her eyes, grabbed Doggett by the belt and pulled him off Mulder. Two park service rangers crashed into the clearing. “We heard screaming,” one said. “Agent Mulder will fill you in and help you deal with that body for transpiration to the state marine biology lab,” Scully said. “Where’s the nearest bar?” “About a mile down the road,” he said. “The Blue Marlin, they brew their own beer and catch their fish fresh every day.” “Drop Agent Mulder there when you’re done please,” she said and pulled Doggett out of the woods by the arm. He whistled for the dogs and they trotted obediently after him. “Scully? Doggett? Guys? What about me?” “You found your monster, Mulder,” Scully called over her shoulder. “Now deal with it. We‘ll be drinking. Don‘t call us if you need anything.”