TITLE: Empty AUTHOR: Agent X EMAIL ADDRESS: aussie_xphile25@yahoo.com.au DISTRIBUTION: anywhere, just let me know CLASSIFICATION: S, A KEYWORDS: Character death, D, S, DSF SPOILER WARNING: Invocation, This Is Not Happening RATING: PG SUMMARY: Scully and Doggett talk about losses in their lives DISCLAIMER: The wonderful characters in this story are the property of the genius Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox FEEDBACK: Yes please, good or bad, to the above address DEDICATION: As always, this story is entirely dedicated to the wonderful Robert Patrick, who has inspired me to write this by bringing the character of John Doggett to life! _ Also to the WIB - you know who you are - you rock!! Thanks spookycc for the beta work! * * * She ran through the woods faster than she had ever run before. Desperate to reach the only man who could help her, help him. As she neared the compound a blinding light appeared in the sky and she stopped in wonder at what she saw. Then her wonder turned to terror as she realised what they were here for - him. "Jeremiah!" she screamed as she burst through the door. The terrified member of the UFO group fled as the light grew brighter. Suddenly there was a noise, like a tornado was tearing off the roof, ripping in building to pieces. She was running towards the room where Jeremiah was last seen, blinded by the light and deafened by the noise. She heard a piercing scream coming from the room as she was forced to shut her eyes to the light. All of a sudden there was silence again. She opened her eyes and was in near darkness. She threw open the door of Jeremiah's room only to find it empty. He was gone. She crumpled to the floor as she realised she had lost the only person who could have saved her partner, her Mulder. Her tears spilled over her cheeks as she began to scream and sob. "NoÉ. noÉ.." How could she find Mulder, only to loose him again in the cruelest of twists? "This is not happening!" she screamed. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" * * * Agent John Doggett was still standing over Mulder's dead body when the light appeared over the compound. "Monica," he called to Agent Reyes, and pointed towards the light. "You see that?" Monica turned and her mouth dropped open. "No frigging wayÉ" was all she could say. Doggett had a bad feeling about that light. He sure as hell didn't know what it was. All he knew was that it was in the direction his partner had gone. He started running. He heard Agent Reyes call his name, but he didn't stop or turn around. He had to get to Agent Scully before something happened. He was just running into the clearing near the compound, when he heard an ear-splitting noise and was blinded by a bright light. The light was so intense that he was forced to stoop to the ground and cover his eyes with his hands. When the light died away and the area was once again in silence, he lifted his head, got up and started towards the compound again. He was almost at the door when he heard an awful sound. It was someone screaming, sobbing and choking, all at the same time. A horrible, gut wrenching sound. And the worst part of it was that he recognised the voice: Scully. He found her sitting in a heap on the floor in Jeremiah's room, sobbing and choking, tears streaming down her face. His heart broke seeing here there. All hope gone of ever seeing Mulder alive again. It was as if all the life had drained out of her and all that was left was an empty shell. He knew he could do nothing to take her pain away, but he had to try. If not for her, for himself. He couldn't stand silently and watch while her world fell apart around her. He walked up behind her and put one hand on her trembling shoulder. "DanaÉ" She looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. "Dana, I'm so sorry" he didn't know what else to say. She grabbed his hand and pulled it, motioning for him to sit down. He lowered himself down next to her on the cold, hard floor. "You shouldn't be sitting here, Dana," he said. "It's too cold." She gave a little sob and mumbled something he didn't hear. "What did you say?" he asked. "You saidÉ you said you'd help me," she choked out between sobs. He didn't say anything. He put his hand on top of hers. She jerked away as if she had been stung. When she looked at him again her eyes flashed with anger through the tears. "You said you'd find him. You're a liar!" she screamed hysterically, hitting his chest with her balled up fists. You're a liar! You'reÉ" He grabbed her by the wrists in an effort to calm her. "Agent Scully, stop!" he said. "Please, stop!" She pulled away from him. "You're a liarÉ" she whispered one last time, before pulling her knees up to her chest and resuming her sobbing. That hurt him. He knew she was upset and had no one else to take her frustration out on, but it felt like a knife twisting in his gut when she called him a liar. He sat there for a moment, unsure of whether to stay or go. He didn't want to leave her alone, but at the same time he worried he was making it worse for her. He knew what it was like to lose someone he loved, and by God, he wouldn't wish the pain he had felt on his worst enemy, let alone on his partner. He hesitantly put his arm around her shoulder. This time she did not shy away. "Agent ScullyÉ Dana," he began. "I know I told you I would find him, that we would get him back safely, and believe me, if I could save you this pain I would gladly trade places with him. But I can't. I told you we'd find him because I believed we would. I'm sorry if you feel betrayed by that, but I was only trying to save you from being hurt." She was silent for a moment, then she gave a small sniffle and turned her face to him. "I know, Agent Doggett. I'm sorry. You did everything you could to help me find him. I just wishÉ I just wish we could have done something elseÉ" She began to cry again. He pulled her gently towards him and she buried her face in his chest. He stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort to her as she cried. He didn't know how long they stayed like that for, but gradually her sobbing died down until all that was left was a few stray tears on her face and a big wet patch on the front of his shirt. He felt a shiver run through her body. "Are you getting cold, Agent Scully?" She nodded. "Come on, I'll take you back to the motel. You need to get some sleep." "I don't think I can sleepÉ" she said in a shaky voice. "We'll see," he replied, pulling back from her embrace and standing up. "Come on." He helped her to her feet and put his coat around her shoulders. * * * Hours later She couldn't sleep. She knew she wouldn't be able to. He had offered to stay with her, to make sure she was alright, but she refused. She thought she could handle it. All she could think of was the sight of Mulder. Her heart had leapt when she first saw him, certain he was going to be okay. But then she had touched his cold, hard cheeks and realised it was too late. How could she ever go on without him? And what about her baby? Mulder didn't even know she was pregnant with his child, and her son or daughter would never know his or her father. God, the funeral. She didn't think she could face it. How could she stand by his coffin and watch as he was buried in the earth for all eternity. She gave a sobÉ then another. She couldn't handle this alone. She got out of bed, pulled on her jacket and left the room. * * * Agent Doggett hadn't slept since he had left Scully in the next room by herself. He had been reluctant to leave her but she insisted she would be fine. Not only was he worried about his partner, but the events of the day had brought all the bad memories of his own life back to the surface. The kidnapping of his son and all the painful events that followed. He had tried to block them out of his mind, but now they came rushing back again. He had been close to tears himself when he was with Scully back at the compound, but he had vowed not to break down in front of her. She needed someone to be strong for her and he would be that one. A small tear trickled down his cheek. He heard a knock at the door and jumped out of bed immediately, pulling on his green marines tshirt as he went to the door. He opened it to find Scully standing outside, shivering, her face tear-streaked and her eyes red. "I'm sorry, Agent Doggett," she began. "It's justÉ IÉ "It's okay," he said. "I was worrying about you." He motioned for her to come in. "Sit down over there,' he said, pointing to the edge of the bed. He closed the door and turned to her. Her tears were starting to fall again. "I just didn't know where else to go," she sobbed. "All I could think of was himÉ seeing him like thatÉ it justÉ" she took a deep breath. "I never imagined it would end like this." He sat down on the bed next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She leant into him and cried. He sighed. There had to be something he could do to help her. "Agent ScullyÉ Dana," he began. "I know it feels like the world is coming to an end. I know it feels like you have nothing to live for anymore, but you can't dwell on the things you have lost. Remember Mulder and the great times you had together. You should never forget that, but you have to look at the things you still have. You're gonna have a baby in about six months and if you can't be strong for yourself, you have to be strong for your child. He or she is gonna need lots of love and support. You have to be there for them every minute you can, coz if you're notÉ" he paused, thinking of his son. "É well, who knows what might happen in the future" he finished off She looked up at him through her tears. "You sound like you speak from experienceÉ" she commented. "All I know is that you should treasure the time you have with your loved ones, cos you never know when they might be taken awayÉ" He almost whispered the last part and Scully looked at her partner to see a great sadness in his eyes. It dawned on her. "You've lost someone close to you, haven't you Agent Doggett?" she asked. "YesÉ yes I have," he whispered, close to tears. "You know," Scully said. "Sometimes it helps to talk about itÉ" It was more of a question than a statement. He sighed and told her a story he had been trying to forget for 6 years. "It was 1995. I was a Detective with the NYPD. I was good at my job and spent long hours after dangerous people. My wife was a nurse at the local hospital and worked part-time so she could be there for our son." He saw Scully's look of surprise but ignored it and continued. "There was a case of serial kidnapping along the East Coast. Most were in the Now York area and, having worked child abductions before I was assigned to the case. It was a strange case. There was no known connection between the victims except their age. All were boys between 6 and 9. They all disappeared in broad daylight, within close proximity to their homes. After the eighth boy disappeared we were beginning to lose hope that we would ever find the person responsible." He stopped for a minute. "You don't have to go on if you don't want to," Scully said. He took a deep breath. "No, that's okay. I came home late one night to grab a few hours sleep. Luke was already asleep. I left again at five the next morning. On my way out I went into Luke's bedroom. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep." His voice broke. "That was the last time I ever saw him alive." Scully opened her mouth in shock. "He walked to school that morning, but he never arrived. Miriam, my wife, rang me frantically at about 9.30 to tell me he was missing. I knew at that moment I would never see him again. We looked everywhere to no avail. The way he went missing was exactly the same as the others. The search was called off after two months and the case was left open but unsolved. There were never any suspects. About three months later I got a call in the middle of the night from someone at work. They wanted me to meet them somewhere to look at something. The place was far out of town on a heavily wooded hill. There were mounds in the dirt and the grass was greener than it should have been. There were police everywhere, some taking photos, other digging. A few of the police led me over to where there were four yellow bags. Body bags." Scully's eyes were wide and her hand was over her mouth. "What happened?" she whispered. "I opened the bags, one by one. I recognised the boys in them from the photos in the casefile. Luke wasn't there. I heard a shout from over where they were digging and ran to see what was happening. They had dug up another body, wrapped in a black bag. The police tried to pull me back but I had to see who it was. I ripped the plastic backÉ" He stopped for a moment. "It was him. Even after so long, you could see the bruises all over his body. His eyes empty sockets and his face was still twisted with painÉ" He couldn't go on. The tears in his eyes spilt over his cheeks and he turned away from Scully. She sat there in shock. She had never imagined what her partner had been through. Never imagined the pain he had to deal with in his life. Somehow, although her pain over losing Mulder was strong, she knew it was nothing compared to losing a child. "How did you tell your wife?" she whispered. He wiped his eyes before continuing. "I didn't have to. She knew I had been called away because of Luke, and she knew by the look on my face when I got home that he was dead. She screamed at me. She accused me of not being there for him, of abandoning him, of not caring. I screamed back, blaming her for not taking him to school, for not walking with him. She left. Went to stay with her mother. She couldn't handle being in the house with so many memories. When she came back, I knew there was something wrong. She was different. She was moody. She went for days without saying a word. I had to go to work. It was the only thing that kept me sane. She stayed home, alone all day. She had nothing to do but think of Luke. I should have known something was wrong but she had always been so strong. I thought she had dealt with Luke's death." He stood up and walked to the window. He didn't want Scully to see him cry again. "I got a call from the hospital about 10pm one night. I was working late on Luke's case, trying to find any tiny thing that might lead to the killer. The police said afterwards she had driven into a tree. I got down there as fast as I couldÉ" He paused. "..but I was too late," he whispered. "She died. Sad and lonely. She died because I wasn't thereÉ" Scully was near tears herself. Her heart went out to the poor man standing with his back to her. She couldn't hear it, but she could tell by the shaking of his shoulders that he was crying. She went over to him, pulled on his shoulder until he turned around, and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back. "You feel empty, don't you?" she said after a while. "Hmmm." He replied. "I wanted to die. But somehow you get through each day, one at a time. The pain is so great at first it consumes you, but then one day, you remember something they did and you laugh instead of crying." "I hope you're right," she said. "You'll see," he said, kissing the top of her head. "You'll see." The End Author's Note: Phew, that's was actually quite hard. I usually like these post-eps cos it gives you some place to start. Anyway, as always, feedback is welcome. The poem below doesn't fit the story that well, but I like it so I'll put it here anyway: They will carry me into the field Through the wreaths of mist Moist on my face, And the lamb will pause For a thoughtful stare. The soldiers, they will come. They will lay me in the dark cold earth And push the clods in upon my face. John Marsden, from his book The Dead of the Night That book is the second in a series of six beginning with Tomorrow, When the War Began and I highly recommend it - it is excellent!!