From: ephemeral@ephemeralfic.org Date: 15 Jun 2001 20:52:06 -0000 Subject: My Obligation: Mulder (1/3) by Kelly Source: direct Reply To: dolphinglitter12@yahoo.com Title: My Obligation: Mulder (1/3) Rating: PG Category: V, slight MSR, Mulder POV Spoilers: Existence Archive: Ask me first, please. Disclaimer: They are not mine. Never will be. Author Notes: This is my way of explaining the absence of Mulder next season. No beta-reader here. All mistakes are mine. On with the show. ************************** I feel like laughing. I have imagined myself here many, many times. I never thought I would ever get this privilege. Well, I have, because here I am--in her bed. Except I was never doing this in my fantasies--trying to go to sleep, fully clothed, not even touching her. I am not able to--William is between us. Plus, after giving birth, I do not think she is in the mood. Life is ironic. I begin to dwell on what happened earlier. I have imagined our first kiss (well, first REAL kiss) many times, too. I finally worked up the nerve to do it tonight. I am such a fool--I should have done it earlier. I think it was brought on by the birth of William, and by John Doggett. I have noticed the degree of their friendship--she trusts him. That fact alone speaks volumes. Scully does not trust anybody. She has become like me in that respect. That trust made me a little jealous, I will admit it. While I am glad that she was paired with someone who can be trusted, I still feel pangs of jealousy when I think about it. Plus, I have seen the way he looks at her, the way he acts around and towards her. He has got a thing for her. I am not sure how serious it is, but something is there. I do not think she realizes it yet. She mistakes his protectiveness as pure chivalry, when it is a mixture of that chivalry and his feelings for her. I know they have been through a lot together and he has watched her back--for that I will be eternally grateful to him. Enough thoughts about Doggett. I am in her bed and I am thinking about her partner. There really is something wrong with me. I look over at William--he really is beautiful. I hope one day he realizes what his mother went through to have him--what a miracle he is. Any childbirth is a miracle, but William is truly something special. Billy Miles and those like him now pop into my mind. Why did they hunt her down just to watch the childbirth and leave? Is it because of what I told Scully--that William is not what they thought he is? I hope so--that will mean that they will leave him and her alone. But what if that is not it? What if they are waiting? Waiting for what? They could get him anytime they wanted. I know that they are here, but I do not know how many. Enough to steal him if they wanted, killing Scully in the process if they had to--and they would. She would die for William--so would I. I think about the future and I do not know what to expect. I do not know what Billy Miles and the others are doing or what they want. Who is going to stop them? Who can stop them? I look at William and I am suddenly terrified. What if no one stops them? What then? What happens to everyone? Does everyone become that weird kind of alien like Billy Miles? What if that happens to William...or Scully? I shudder when I think of those possibilities. That danger is very real. Scully was abducted years ago. Even though they wanted me this time, what about the next? What if they are waiting for William to get older so they can transform him? My terrified feelings have escalated. As I look at the both of them, sleeping peacefully as if everything is right with the world, I know that I have to protect them. Oh, I have always been ready to do that, but this is different. This is not an adversary that I can see in front of me. This is much bigger than that--which is why I must do something. They could break in right now and take them both. That cannot happen. I have to do something--no one can or will. Doggett does not believe in half of this stuff, and Skinner would not know where to look--he does not have my experience and knowledge about aliens. No, it is up to me. If I am going to do this, that means saying goodbye to the two most important people in my life--and they are sleeping beside me. As much as this breaks my heart, I have to do this for them. If I can protect them from whatever the aliens are planning on doing, it is worth it. Should I talk to Scully about it? No, she will just try to convince me to stay. I cannot leave now, though. I have to spend some time with William, so when I come back he might remember me. A week. That is all I will do-- that is all I can do. The aliens are carrying out their plans as I lie here, so I cannot spend any more time here. I begin to worry about Scully--I know she is more than capable of taking care of herself, but that is not enough to reassure me. I think again of John Doggett--he is the perfect choice. He will protect her and William, even if it means his death. The only way something would be able to get at Scully and William is if Doggett was dead. I guess his feelings for her are a blessing in disguise. I look again at the child sleeping next to me and whisper, I love you. In fact, I am leaving you and your mother because I love you both. I hope you understand that one day, William. I hope your mother understands that, too, because this is something I have to do. Fini Title: My Obligation: Doggett (2/3) Author: Kelly Rating: PG Category: V, A, Doggett POV, DSF Spoilers: Existence Archive: Ask me first, please. Disclaimer: They are not mine. Never will be. Author Notes: This is my way of explaining the absence of Mulder next season. No beta-reader here. All mistakes are mine. On with the show. ************************** I am sitting on my couch, wondering at what the hell just happened. Mulder just left, after telling me things that I cannot quite believe. He is taking off, trying to find the aliens in order to stop whatever it is they are doing. Now, I understand that people were after Scully and William, and I understand that the recovery Billy Miles experienced was odd, to say the least, and that he has some kind of super-strength--but aliens? I still do not quite believe in them. Sure, I have seen some weird things that I cannot quite explain--but aliens? Mulder is giving up a happy life with Agent Scully and Williams to hunt aliens? He must have bumped his head pretty bad when he was missing. He told me that he has not told Agent Scully. He is planning on leaving her a note. That is just cowardly, in my opinion. He told me that he wants me to protect her and her baby. He has nothing to worry about there--keeping those two safe is my number one priority. Is there anything I would not do for Agent Scully and William? I told her that I would watch her back, and I will continue to do so. I hope she knows that vow extends to William. I told Mulder that I would protect them, and he seems to believe me. He must, otherwise he would not leave them in my care. I asked him why he would leave the two of them, and he told me because it is something that he has to do. He loves them, and wants to make sure that they will be okay. I can understand that--I feel the same way. However, I am not gonna go chase little green men all over the United States. I wonder how Agent Scully is going to take this. I know that she will not have a breakdown--she is too strong for that. I know that she is going to be hurt, and that this will set her back for a while, but she will not let that interfere with her parenting of William. William is her world, and nothing is gonna change that. Mulder told me that he was sorry to place such a responsibility on me--I told him that I had already taken on that responsibility months ago. He gave me a weird look when I said that--is it because it took him longer than that to trust her and to want to protect her? Poor paranoid bastard. I cannot imagine living life like that--thinking everyone is out to get you. I understand why he believes that, though--I have read through the X-Files. A lot of things have happened to him and to Agent Scully--enough to make both of them wary and cautious of new people--like me. Agent Scully and I have finally gotten past that initial, awkward mistrust period. We both respect the other, and I would dare say that she considers me a friend. I know I think of her as one. Hell, she is more than that to me. I wish she was not, but she is. She has became one of the reasons why I got up in the morning to go to work. The X-Files are not exactly my cup of tea, but she made going to work worthwhile. Especially after her walls began to chip and fall away. I wonder if I should tell Agent Scully about his visit tonight. No, I think I will keep it to myself. She will just get mad at me for not calling her the minute he walked in my door. As I sit down, I sigh--even though I am secretly thrilled that Mulder will be out of the way again, I am wondering if I can take another reunion between them two. Just as we were making progress, he comes back to life and he becomes the second most important person in her life. Bumping me back to number 26 or so. I am hoping that one day I will move up--oh, I am not so dense that I expect to take his place, but to be in the top ten would be nice. Either way, it does not matter in the end. I am gonna watch out for her and be there for her--that is just something I have to do. Fin Title: My Obligation: Scully (3/3) Author: Kelly Rating: PG Category: V, A, Scully POV, slight MSR, DSF Spoilers: Existence, Dreamland I Archive: Ask me first, please. Disclaimer: They are not mine. Never will be. Author Notes: This is my way of explaining the absence of Mulder next season. No beta-reader here. All mistakes are mine. On with the show. ************************** I should have known that it was too good to last--the bliss I felt when Mulder and I finally let our true feelings show. Nothing ever works out for me--well, except for William, and that almost failed. I guess God decided to let me have what I wanted for once. William is my angel. I am trying not to cry, but that cannot be helped. As I read and re-read the note Mulder left me, it finally sinks in. He is gone again, and he does not know when he will be back. I tell myself that if he can come back from the dead, he will be okay--I should not worry. This does nothing to help me. He says that he loves me and William, and what he is going to do is for us. I believe him. I just wish that he had not left. I was looking forward to a semi-normal life. Mulder and I, living happily with William, not worried about the X-Files any longer--two normal parents living normal lives with their normal child. I really should have known better. I remember when I asked Mulder if he ever wanted a normal life--if he ever wanted to get out of the damn car and live. He told me that our lives were normal--why did I not know better, especially after he told me that? At least I know that I can handle this--I have done it before. I just did not have my little J. Edgar to take care of then. I smile slightly--I remember when Agent Doggett called William that. I consider calling him for a millisecond, but change my mind--what can he do about this? Absolutely nothing. That is all I can do, too--nothing. I begin to sob--oh, Mulder--why did you have to leave me? Especially now--a week after you let me know how you felt--this is not fair. Damn you, Mulder. I hear William crying--my sobbing must have woken him. I wipe my tears and vow to be strong for my son--I have to. As he feeds, I wonder if Mulder told Skinner about this. I hope so, because I do not want to explain it. Maybe I will just show him the note so I will not have to deal with it. I go to the phone to call him, but it rings before I can dial. It is Doggett. He wants to know how we are doing. Instead of my usual answer, Fine, I begin to cry again. He tells me that he is on his way over here, so I should stay put. God, are you sending me another angel? Someone to take care of me now? I certainly hope so. Even though I can do it on my own, I do not want to. The man I wanted to raise William with has left, leaving me all alone. I wonder if this is how Doggett feels. I wonder if this is how Mulder felt. I should stop thinking about Mulder--all it does is make me cry. My William has fallen asleep. As I put him down in his bed, I gaze at him and thank God once again for the miracle he gave me. I will take care of him, God, I promise. I will make sure nothing ever happens to him, even if I have to do it alone. I will do it because it is something I have to do. Fin