Title: Together, Broken

Author: spookycc

Rating: Possibly PG, nothing more than the ep.

Classification: Fill-in-the-blanks/Post-ep for "TINH", Doggett POV.
ScullyAngst, Doggett!Angst. DF -- *Doggett Friendly*

Summary: Doggett's take on "This is Not Happening" ep & post-ep

Spoilers: Specifically, for "TINH". To be safe, for S8 so far.

Disclaimer: No characters, human or canine, are mine. And no dogs were
harmed in the making of this fanfic. :)~

Feedback welcomed at spookycc@earthlink.net

Dedication: As ever, to Doggett's Bitch (f/k/a "Fox's Vixen" :). My
soulmate, always. Thanks for all the extra input this time around. I thought
I had this one pegged a lot better than I apparently did! :)

And for girlassassin, my most loyal fan, and great friend. Give da man an
extra hug for me when he's back in town. <eg>

No beta-reader was used. All typos are my own.

****

Fox Mulder. The nameplate stares me in the face, and I pick it up, almost
reverently, just as I suspect Agent Scully does. He is the reason she goes
on, in the face of all the obstacles we've encountered in our search. And
now we have a lead that could help us find him.

When I hear the elevator bell, I quickly replace the plate and close the
drawer. Agent Scully enters quickly, and we exchange awkward hellos. I'm not
sure how to approach her, not after our last case. After all we've been
through, to still feel this distance between us - it's hard.

"You said on the phone you received something urgent," she states.

"You're right, I did. I think it's really important that you got right down
here, Agent Scully. Thanks." I can't bring myself to tell her what's going
on. 

Her look is puzzled. "Are you gonna tell me what it is?"

I can't give her this news. Not after her rebukes just last week about
keeping out of her personal files. Plus, this case is about as paranormal as
it gets. I can't believe a word of the story being told. "I passed it on to
A.D. Skinner," I explain. "I'd like for him to tell you."

We enter Skinner's outer office, where he waits for us. Scully is
understandably anxious. "What? What is it?"

Skinner looks at me. I return the glance. Sorry, this one's all yours to
tell. We go into his office together.

"All right, what's going on here?" Scully asks. She can tell something's up,
and she is understandably frustrated.

Skinner describes the encounter, but apparently it's pretty run-of-the-mill
for Scully to hear about those. She glances in my direction at Skinner's
mention of a "UFO encounter", trying to gauge my reaction to all this. I try
to hide my skepticism. Then he mentions the name of a boy who she and Mulder
met last spring.

"Are you trying to tell me this has something to do with Mulder?" she asks.
Her frustration is mounting, and I can hear it in her voice.

Skinner doesn't respond, so I do. I want to ease her into this, not get her
hopes up too much. "He's tryin' to tell you that it might."

Then Skinner adds to the information we have. He tells Scully about a woman
that was supposedly abducted the night before Mulder was. And this kid
Richie found her. That's all Scully needs to hear.

****

We arrive in Helena, Montana, only to find that Theresa Hoese is hanging on
to life by the thinnest of threads. We visit her room, the three of us.
Agent Scully stands beside Theresa's bed. Scully covers her mouth with her
hand, clearly upset. I know she's seeing Mulder in her mind. What's
happening to him. Or what has happened to him. I can see how this affects
her. I can feel it. The fear, the sorrow, as strong as if they were my own.

When they start talking about implants, I tune out all but Scully's part of
the conversation, and just watch my partner. I don't believe in this alien
abduction garbage, but I know how this case will touch her. God, I know...

Two cops enter the room, bringing a police report I've requested. Now I have
something down-to-earth to sink my teeth into. And we may have a suspect.

We arrive at a local motel, and head to Richie's room. He opens the door and
I introduce us. I'm inside the door before I ask if he minds our coming in.

"Dude, you're already in."

He remembers Scully. Skinner asks why he's in Montana, and he explains that
he followed "the news" from internet chatrooms. Pictures are taped all over
the walls of his room. I guess, if you wanna find something bad enough,
you'll see what you want to, eventually.

Richie claimed he saw an alien before he found Theresa in that field. It's
time to blow a hole in this alien thing. I show Richie the plaster casting
of the shoeprint that police found in the field last night. A 9 1/2 Nike. I
ask Richie if he's ever heard of an alien that wears Nikes.

He replies that this doesn't mean it *wasn't* an alien.

I push a little harder. "Did it ever occur to you that it wasn't an alien,
but a man?"

He is not shaken. "Then what about his spaceship?"

OK, yeah, right. I give up for the moment, and head outside to get some
fresh air, clear my head of all this alien crap. I run my hand through my
hair, frustrated, and Scully's voice turns me back toward the room. She's
followed me outside.

"Agent Doggett. What was that in there?"

"That was pressin' a witness to get to the truth."

"You refuse to believe that anything other than a man could have done this.
Could have done what we saw to that woman in the hospital..."

That's not important, at least not to me. "It's not worth arguin' about. The
point here is to find Mulder."

She is insistent. "And for months we have been looking for a break, which is
what we have here."

How can I say what I need to say here? "What we've got is hope." Taking a
deep breath, I try to voice my feelings about what she's not admitting to
herself. "But let's be honest, Agent Scully, about what no one wants to say.
Bad as you wanna find Mulder, you're afraid to find him, too."

I know she understands what I've said. And I know the sadness I see in her
eyes is reflected in my own. As long as we don't know where Mulder is, there
remains the hope that he's alive. If we find him... in a condition like
Theresa Hoese, that hope may die. I leave her, for now, although I don't
want to. There's someone I have to talk to...

****

I meet the car as Skinner and Agent Scully get out. I've asked them to meet
me, to meet someone I hope can help with the case. Scully thinks I've found
Theresa, who was taken from the hospital last night by a man who looked like
her doctor. When I let her know I haven't found Theresa, she understandably
wonders why the hell I've dragged them out here.

"To get another point of view," I explain. I tell them about Special Agent
Monica Reyes, whose specialty is ritualistic crime. Scully wonders aloud if
we're on the same case. Her tone is sarcastic, but I can't help but smile,
despite the circumstances.

I make the introductions. Reyes asks what Scully thinks happened, to help
her to understand the case better.

Scully is guarded. God knows she has a right to be. But I'm only trying to
help. To bring in a fresh perspective. Reyes explains to Agent Scully that
what she *thinks* happened is important in its own way, and not
insignificant.

"I'm sorry, this feels like therapy." I can hear the sarcasm dripping from
Scully's voice when she replies. I can tell she's uncomfortable that I've
told Agent Reyes that this case involves her. She asks that Reyes just stick
to the facts.

I walk hesitantly over to where the three of them stand talking. Agent Reyes
tries to bring her perceptions of cult behavior in, but Skinner and Scully
aren't buying it. How can they believe in freakin' UFOs and not this more
grounded approach?

Agent Reyes admits that her "feeling" that Theresa Hoese is still alive, is
only that - a *feeling*. Scully has had enough. I walk after her.

I ask Scully to at least consider what Agent Reyes has said, but she is firm
in her own beliefs, as ludicrous as they seem to me.

I can't help in the investigation if I'm only dealing with stuff I don't
even believe in. It's hard for me to tell Scully this, but I need to. "I
know where you're goin' with this, Agent Scully." I know I should stop
talking now. I don't. "But if you're gonna tell me this is another 'alien
bounty hunter', this is where we part company."

Shit. I wish I could take that last comment back. Her reply is quick. "Enjoy
your *new* company." She stalks back toward the car. I don't think she
really means that. I really *hope* she doesn't. There's more here than what
she's telling me. Damn it all to hell. I'm trying to help in the only way I
can. 

****

I stand in the autopsy room at the hospital, listening with Skinner to Agent
Scully narrating her findings on the body that Agent Reyes found in the
field last night. Her voice breaks toward the end, and something inside
pulls me toward her, but I don't move.

"Dana," Skinner starts.

"I'm ok. There's work to do here."

I want to help her deal with this. But I'm not sure that's my place. She's
been confiding in Skinner more than in me, since we got here. He's a
believer, too. I'm sure that's important to her. That doesn't make it hurt
me any less. 

I see in her dealings with Skinner a shared history. I see something I wish
*I* had with Scully. I have to admit to a feeling as simple as jealousy. Why
can't she trust me? Confide in me?

****

Skinner heads out to check another lead, and I sit in the hallway to wait
for Scully to finish the autopsy. My chin rests in my hands. I hear Agent
Reyes approach. Her pace is slower, more regulated, than Scully's purposeful
walk.

"You're hurting for her, I know." I look up to meet her glance. "Agent
Scully." Monica always *did* know me a little too well, but she has my
emotions pegged, that's fersure.

"I don't know how she's doin' it in there," I confess. "Everything she's
feelin'... What she's afraid of."

"You know all too well," Monica replies. I know exactly what she's talking
about. Please don't go there, not now. I'm having enough trouble handling
Scully's fears without adding mine.

I stand and face Monica, this woman who shared with me the three worst days
of my life. I can't go there again now. "Let's leave the past in the past."
*Please*, I add silently.

She doesn't let me off. I think she feels there's something I need to
understand. "It was your fear, too. Those three days we looked for your son.
The fear of finding what we did. I understand." Her voice is soft, compas-
sionate. I turn inside myself just a little, and close my eyes for a moment.
"That's why you're so determined to find Mulder alive."

Frustration overrules my sadness and anxiety for a moment. "It's why I can't
stand here and listen to all this mumbo-jumbo about spaceships."

"I saw what I saw, John, I'm not gonna lie to you. But whatever it was, it
led to this." She hands me a sheet of paper with a photo and a bio on it.
It's the man she saw loading another body into a pickup truck last night. He
calls himself "Absalom". Turns out he was a cult leader himself, believing
that aliens would take over the earth at the dawn of the Millennium. I think
I read an X-File in the cabinet about that, too. They had very specific
beliefs about the end-time.

She's run a check on the plate on the pickup truck she saw last night, and
we pull a SWAT team together and head for their camp, about an hour away. We
round up the "refugees", for lack of a better term, and pull Absalom aside
to take in for questioning.

I interrogate him without result, and Scully says my name softly. I step
aside and let her pursue her own avenue of questioning. He reveals no more
helpful information than he did to me. Absalom claims only to want to help
these people. I know what Scully longs to ask him.

Finally, she hands him a picture. I can't see it, but I know who it is.
Because when she asks if he has videotape of the man in the picture, I can
see her face, just a little. Her eyes are pleading with Absalom to say
"yes."

Absalom shakes his head no. I see Scully's shoulders fall, as another lead
dead-ends. I want to go to her, to comfort her. But she turns and leaves the
room.

****

As we watch videotapes of the activity in the compound, Agent Scully sees a
man she thinks she knows.

And then we see *me*, standing inside a room I'd never even gone in when we
raided the place. What the hell is going on here?

Scully is convinced it was a man she calls "Jeremiah Smith". Great. I wonder
if he's another bounty hunter... She insists we get back to the compound, so
Skinner and I take enough men to help us search the surrounding woods as
well...

****

I found Mulder.

Just like I promised Scully I would. But I didn't mean like this.

God, not like this.

I stand dumbfounded. Almost sick. My knees are weak.

"Where is he?!?!" I hear Scully shout as Skinner brings her to the clearing.
She breaks into a lope when she sees the blanket-covered body behind me.

No. Scully, no - not like this! She's shouting, asking how badly he's hurt,
and I catch her and try to hold her back. She struggles, and I could stop
her if I had to, but she's determined. In the end, I let her go, knowing
what it will do to her, but needing to let her go just the same because I
know she won't believe it unless she sees it herself.

She drops to her knees by his side, and runs a hand tenderly over his face.
"No... no..." A mantra, over and over.

I lift her gently to her feet, trying first to pull her away. She's seen
enough.

Then she's pulling out of my grasp again. "He needs help!" is all she'll
say. It's denial, I know. Mulder is beyond needing help.

"It's too late!" I try to hold her, settle her. But only hesitantly - she
seems so volatile right now.

She pulls away once more, and heads off running back toward the compound.
"Agent Scully!" I yell after her, but she is gone.

I stand motionless for a few moments, head bowed, defeated. Then I realize I
need to go after her. I don't know what she thinks she's doing, but I need
to make sure she's ok. I see bright lights overhead, up near the compound.
Searchlights on the choppers we brought in to help scour the woods.

I thought I'd catch her, but she must be running on pure adrenaline. By the
time I reach the compound, the choppers have moved on. I wonder where she
is. The area is deserted.

Then I hear it. I hear her.

Dear God. 

I hear her voice, from inside the main building. Keening like a mortally
wounded animal. One word. The word "no". At the top of her lungs, almost
without enough pause for breath.

I've never felt more inadequate than at this moment. Still, I follow the
sound inside the building.

She is there. Kneeling, her head thrown back. The image of a wolf slips
unbidden into my mind. It is that mournful, this wail.

I can't help her. 

I *have* to help her.

I promised to find Mulder for her.

What have I done?

Was she better off not knowing?

At least then there was hope.

I've *killed* her hope.

I feel the weight of sadness on my shoulders as I know it falls on hers. I
kneel behind her, and say her name.

She can't hear it, of course.

I wrap my arms around her, covering her hands with my own. Trying to protect
her from something she cannot be protected from anymore.

I'm not prepared for her assault. Flinging her upper body away, she frees
herself from my grasp, and leaps to her feet. She turns on me, and again the
picture of a wolf creeps into my head.

"You said we'd find him!" she screams.

I kneel, not moving. Whatever she needs to hurl at me, I'll accept.

"Scully, I'm-"

"He could have helped Mulder! Now he's gone!"

I know she speaks of the alien healer. I don't believe in that, not for a
minute, but I'm lost here. I remain before her, head down.

"Damn you! You said you'd help me, and now he's dead!"

The bitterness flows almost without pause. It's directed at me. Even her
tears don't slow the screams.

Finally I stand. I understand mourning. I've been there. And I'd take the
abuse, forever, if it would help her in some way. But it won't. This needs
to stop, for her sake.

She is still yelling, her back to me now. I walk up behind her and once
again I put my arms around her, steeling myself for her response. I'll ride
out whatever happens - there's no way in hell I'm letting her leave here
right now.

Scully whirls within my grasp, and I instinctively take a half-step back, as
she balls her hands into fists.

"Dana, I'm sorry-"

Suddenly her arms fall to her sides. Her screaming stops, and the silence in
the building is deafening. I take the half-step back to her, and I reach for
her yet again. 

Sobs wrack her body, and she collapses into my arms. Her head lays against
my chest, and her arms slip around my waist. I absorb as much of her sadness
as I can. I feel a deep ache, one I haven't felt since we found my son,
years ago. I feel tears stinging in my eyes, and I don't fight them as I
normally do.

I run my hand softly through her hair, trying to calm her. Trying to help in
any way I can. I don't know if I'm helping or not. Within minutes, it feels
as though her body has been wrung of all its emotion, and all its energy.

I hear a deep, sad breath and she goes limp in my arms. I hold her closely
as I lower her grief-stricken body to the floor. Sitting down beside her, I
wrap my arms more tightly around her, until the last of the sobs subsides.
She falls into a deathly-still silence.

I wish to God I had been able to keep my promise.

Nothing will ever be the same for her.

Or for me.

Something inside her has broken.

Something inside me has, too.



~fini~