Disclaimers: They're not mine, and there was a time not so 
long ago when I thought I'd given them back for good, but 
apparently Chris Carter had other ideas. So, since it's his 
fault I still want to write about them, he won't mind if I 
borrow them just a few more times, right?

Feedback: PLEASE! To <drjekel@hotmail.com>.

Archive: To Gossamer and Ephemeral. Anywhere else, just ask 
first, please.

Spoilers: "Requiem," "Within," and "Without."

Category: VRA

Keywords: MSR, S/D UST, Doggett first person POV

Acknowledgments: My beta-reader, Ladyhawke.

Dedication: To Kelly Keil--no, you're not the only one. <g>

Summary: Doggett thinks about how Scully and the search for 
Mulder have already changed his life forever.


"Unrequited"
by Julie L. Jekel

When AD Skinner told me that Deputy Director Kersh had 
assigned me to head the task force on Mulder's 
disappearance in order to take me off the fast track, I 
didn't believe him. It wasn't until much later that I came 
to realize that, yes, accepting that appointment was 
probably the worst career move I ever made. 

Not because the search was doomed to failure. Not because 
it was inevitable that my report would end up sounding 
like an X-File and result in my banishment to that 
infamous basement. But because it brought me into contact 
with Special Agent Dana Scully.

I'm a practical man. I don't believe in love at first 
sight. That being said, I don't know when it happened that 
this detached concern for a fellow agent turned into 
something so much more and so much more personal. All I 
know is that by the time I found her collapsed on that 
hospital floor, sobbing her heart out next to a mess of 
dissolving green goo, I would have done anything to 
protect her. And when I gathered her into my arms, I knew 
I loved her.

It didn't take much convincing after that for Kersh to get 
me to sign on to the X-Files detail and take myself off the 
fast track to the director's chair.

Hell of an impractical thing to do, I know. Because Dana 
Scully is the one woman I know I can never have. Not 
because she's a colleague, although the Bureau does have 
protocol about such things. Not because she hates me with 
the same passion that made me fall so hard, though she 
does. But because I see now, after watching her carry out 
this search through sheer force of will, that the rumors 
were right. Whether or not they ever had a sexual 
relationship, Scully was--and still is--in love with her 
partner. The devastation in her incredibly expressive eyes 
when I told her I'd been assigned to the X-Files made me 
certain of that. The only way I would ever have a chance 
is if Mulder were never found again. But as much as I want 
her, I can't allow myself to wish for that, because I can 
only imagine how beautiful her smile must be.

They say that if you love someone, you let them go. That's 
why I won't rest until I find him for her.

Because even if I can't have her, just once I want to see 
her smile.


END