Title: Worth the Effort

Author: Kelly

Rating: PG

Classification: V, A, Doggett POV

Summary: What Doggett thought of 
the events that happened in Alone.

Spoilers: Just to be safe, everything up to and 
including Alone. The season finale has not 
happened here. 

Warning: I wrote this while in a sleep-deprived 
trance, so beware. No beta reader here, so 
all typos/mistakes/general mess-ups are mine. 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of them. If I could, 
Doggett would be mine. 

This is my first fic, so feedback is welcomed, 
in fact, I'm craving it.  Let me know how I did.
Leave it at:  dolphinglitter12@yahoo.com


On with the show.

____________________________________________

I cannot sleep. This is not new; I have had trouble 
sleeping ever since that experience with Tipet. 
When I almost killed Agent Scully, and then 
myself. However, my current bout with insomnia 
has nothing to do with that. I almost wish it 
was. No, I cannot sleep because of what I saw at 
the hospital today; Mulder and Scully showing 
up together, and then bickering like a married 
couple in front of Agent Harrison. I am sure 
Agent Harrison was excited beyond belief to have 
her heroes in the room with her, much less to 
have them discuss aliens. I felt no such excitement. 
All I felt was my stomach raveling in impossible 
knots. I had to leave, to get out of there. 

I made my way to the Shamrock Tavern and took a 
seat in the back corner; I was not in the mood to 
talk to anyone. I remember thinking after I had 
my first shot of whiskey that I was behaving like 
a young kid. Had I become soft? I have faced things 
in the Marines and in the NYPD that have made 
men fall apart, and I came out standing solidly on 
both feet. That did not happen today. I had to leave 
because I saw my partner talking to her ex-partner? 
What the hell is that about, Doggett? After my fourth 
shot, I was willing to admit what it was all about. 
Years ago, it would have taken a lot more than that, 
but I hardly drink anymore; no reason to. I know that 
I am in love with Agent Scully. It has taken me a while 
to admit this. I was immediately attracted to her the 
first time I saw her. How can a man not be? However, 
the more I got to know her, while the physical 
attraction remained, an intellectual attraction started 
to show its head. I found that I respected her. She is 
a damn good Agent, and she is smart as hell. What a 
combination. An irresistible one for me, and from 
my observations, for Mulder as well. 

He loves her. One does not have to be a detective to 
figure that out. It is obvious in his words, his 
actions, the way he looks at her... He knows that I 
know. He also knows what my feelings are towards 
her. Those are pretty damn obvious, too. I think he 
is threatened by that, but he is also relieved. He is 
relieved because he knows that as her partner, I will 
always be there for her, watching her back, protecting 
her at all costs. He is right. He could not have picked 
a better partner for her in those respects, well, 
except for him in his own mind. I have always been 
protective of women; my parents taught me chivalry 
at a young age. My little sister always told me she 
felt sorry for any daughters I might have. Me too. 
Agent Scully has probably felt a little smothered by 
my protectiveness, but she cannot complain; it has 
saved her life. It probably will again, with the way 
she gets herself into dangerous situations. That is 
okay; I will be there for her, and her baby. 

I cut myself off after thinking this; any more and I 
might actually call her to tell her my thoughts. I 
thought that I should not have been drinking anyway; 
I did not know if it would react with what the doctors 
gave me earlier. I went home shortly after this. 

Now, here I am in bed, not able to sleep. You would 
think with all the liquor I consumed, I would be out 
like a light. No. Instead, I am thinking about her, and 
what the future might bring. Will she return to the 
X-Files? Will she quit and run away with Mulder, 
who may very well be the father of her baby? Will she 
decide that I am the best guy around to be a dad to 
the little tyke? I seriously doubt that. I would ask 
her what she is going to do, but it is obvious from 
this morning that she does not know herself. 
Whatever happens, I want to be a part of it. I have 
to be. I do not want to become an alcoholic. I have 
to show her that I am her friend and that she can 
trust me with anything. I want her to see what 
kind of guy I am. Now that Mulder is here, he 
is taking up all of the time and energy she does 
not spend on the pregnancy. He is her focus 
behind the baby. She is making the effort to 
reacquaint herself with him and build up their 
friendship, relationship, whatever it is they may 
have. I want her to decide someday that maybe I 
am worth the effort, too. 

_______________________________________________________

Fini